Way of Life
Mother's ear can tell the voice of truth and speaks back softly by Patricia BeBeau
When Adult Children Lie: A Mother's View
3/26/12
Patricia BeBeau
When adult children lie to you and you know it but you say nothing emotions run high. How to respond; how to handle, a supportive role model is very effective. They are adults so we must treat them as such, or chance loosing them when we don't. This enables guilt. NO GUILT, just recognition of their problem and cry for help. When they lie cut the conversation and excuse yourself from the line of fire and involvement. They will work it out more to their benefit, that is, maturity and wisdom. That's what we all want in each other.
When the appropriate time is at hand and you have a mature conversation with your adult child you can reflect on the past times when in the phone call or verbal exchange the lie was said and your gut feeling told you not to speak up, they may well say, “ I knew that you sensed I was lying when I called you (Mother's ear). Thank you for not pointing it out or saying anything. It made me feel like an adult not a kid. I can handle my situations.” So should they. It is a matter of trust that we seek from each other, especially from our adult children.
Diplomatic withdrawal from adults:
One thing comes to mind that is very effective when trying to get out of a bad situation is to calmly say “I am going to do what I have to do; you do what you have to do,” mean it and then walk away, hang up. Usually this will end the discussion / argument because what is left to be said that hasn't already been said. Being wise to the situation is foreknowledge of it becoming hostile. Of course if a person starts to be physically abusive get out and call 911. This is exactly why I say to stay calm while making your declaration, it saves you from becoming hostile then no one can point a finger at you for starting something you did not start. In an argument this keeps it on the same playing level (gamer) with your opponent. No court can ever convict you of being hostile which is the fish hook of every argument in history.