Thinking It Through
Understanding Hurtful Criticism
Understanding Hurtful Criticism
4-15-12
Patricia BeBeau
*When those around you don't understand your changes they tend to criticize, harass and ridicule you. No one thinks to ask h0w it is you changed, they just assume they know by your outward appearance or actions. It's the ridicule that hurts more than anything. Some people should know better, but in the face of it all it seems they are the leaders in the volley of insults. They seem fearless accusing others for an unknown dilemma that left the person changed. The question here is could it possibly be that the accusations are cover-ups for their own fears and mis-understandings of similar issues? Is that why they jeer the person in question when they get too close to a situation that might reveal they, too, have the same condition as the one they insult? Humans do strange things in order to be in denial and not face up to certain truths of themselves. Further discussion might bring to light more than your questioner bargained for.
The saying “Truth hurts“ couldn't be more accurate. As adults we should now be able to comprehend the real issues behind obvious or questionable behavior and stand up to face whatever it is at the basis of the accusation. This may be revealing and compromising of one's attitude but if it is the true feeling one is at least stating the obvious. Hurts can be dealt with and healed, but painful criticism lingers a lot longer in secret than one likes to admit. It festers and annoys the conscience and may be at the basis for involuntary aggressive actions. The hurting truth addressed is the necessary understanding required for the solution. In making relationships it is important to consider the feelings of others without demoralizing them or self. Reserving comments is the common sense of maturity and may save one from a bad situation that is prone to get worse as time goes by.
Everyone is entitled to changes that others know nothing about. On a needs to know basis mature adults are not required to explain them. So why the push to criticize? Perhaps they feel left out of someone's life or are just jealous.*